Humor Inspired by Coffee

On the International Day of Humor and Jokes, we are sharing a dose of good mood with you through jokes dedicated to coffee. We hope they will make you smile and remind you that “the world has survived because people have laughed.” We wish you lots of smiles in the lines below!

Two colleagues are having coffee during their lunch break.
– I've noticed that everyone in this office has some kind of quirk – says one of them.
– Not me – replies the other.
– Oh, you do too.
– What kind?
– For example, you stir your coffee with your right hand.
– So what?
– Most people use a spoon for that…

– I was so sleepy this morning that I had a strong coffee…
– And how are you now?
– Still sleepy, but somehow more energetic…

– Would you like some coffee while you wait?
– Oh, no, thank you. I suffer from insomnia, and I have blood pressure problems too…
– It's free!
– Could I have a double one, and make it extra strong, please?

– Doctor, my husband is very sick! Every morning, after he drinks his coffee, he eats the cup too, leaving only the handle in his hand.
– Ohhh, he really is crazy! The handle is the tastiest part!

– One coffee 5-in-1, please!
– Excuse me?
– Coffee, cream, a pastry, the Wi-Fi password and a charger!

A customer places an order at a restaurant:
– One cognac, a glass of wine, a large vodka, a bottle of champagne, a pint of beer and a coffee. And please make the coffee decaf, I have a weak heart…

– Sweetheart, would you like some coffee?
– Yes, darling!
– Then make one for me too.

A young married couple is in the kitchen.
– Darling, what kind of coffee would you like me to make you?
– I want it to be strong, yet smooth… Gentle, but powerful enough to turn my inner world upside down… To reveal temptations I cannot resist and immerse me in new sensations…
The man looked at her seriously.
– The way you described it… maybe I should pour you a shot of rakia instead?

A coffee stain is sprinkled with finely ground charcoal powder.
The stain left by the charcoal powder is soaked in acetone. To remove the acetone stain, rub in heated turpentine. You can remove the turpentine stain by soaking it in coffee.
And how to remove a coffee stain, you already know.

A man goes to see a psychiatrist.
– What seems to be the problem?
– Several times now, when I come home from a business trip, I find a naked man in the wardrobe. I tell my wife, “I'm going to kill him,” and she says, “Why don't I make you both a cup of coffee instead?”
– And what exactly do you want from me?
– I just wanted to ask, Doctor, isn't it unhealthy to drink that much coffee?